I would consider myself a fairly honest person, in the regards that I'm pretty straightforward. I don't like to pansy around, I don't sugarcoat things, I don't tell white lies to fluff someone's ego. I say what I mean and mean what I say.

I have a hard time with people who aren't the same way.

I would so much rather someone be up front and admit they don't like something or someone versus false pretenses.

I'm currently in what those church folk call a "dry spell." I don't feel God right now. I don't hear him. And that is scary hard. It can become so easy to believe that since I don't hear God, I don't need to pray. Or worse, I'll pray what I think God wants to hear. Now, perhaps I'm the only sinner on the planet, but I think we all do this from time to time.

Through my regular church attendance, I've been conditioned to think that certain prayers are better than others...that lengthy "Oh Father be with us in this place, Holy Spirit guide us, do this and help them blah blah" prayers are better than a simple "Jesus, thank you for what you've done" prayer. It's nothing that my church has done, it's what my own silly self has bought into. I'll say all the right words, do all the right things, but that's NOT pleasing to God.

I think God hates it when his people do this to him, when they give him lip-service. (In fact, I know Jesus does, he mentions this in Revelation 3, and he doesn't sugarcoat things either) I think it breaks his heart, actually. He longs to have relationship with us, because he dearly loves us...and we miss that sometimes.

I miss that, because I'm an idiot and can't see how freaking sovereign my God is.

If you cannot be real, you cannot be you.

It's hard to say, but I'm struggling. And that's real.

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